Alcohol   107 members

By: chjmk40 5 months ago

 HMMM.  This is a tricky one, because you are trying to keep honest and open communication intact.  On a cautionary note, it is a VERY RARE teenager that tells mom "everything".  They feel us out, and if they admit to something, they are feeling guilty and scared we'll find out, so they try to minimize the damage!  Nonetheless, I would want to honor my daughter's boldness and honesty.  Use the benefits of your good relationship with her to be definitely mom and not COOL mom.  I would wonder what is going on with why my kid doesn't expect more out of her boyfriend.  What does she see in him and how does she see herself/what is she deserving of?  Right now it is a legal issue that isn't up for debate when a kid is caught, right?  They have to pay the piper whether or not they think pot is bad.  Pot is different than alcohol because is isn't legalized, and therefore regulated, in any way.   Pot isn't always pure and frequently has other drugs mixed in with it.  Addiction is VERY possible.  My nephew got caught dealing, caught for posession and it proved to be a slippery slope for him with many consequences.  He has become a "stereotypical loser"  who can't get his license, dropped out of school, parties constantly and has no job at 18 years old.  He will face jail on his next offense.  He started all this when he was 15-- but it seemed so innocent because it was (and supposedly still is ) "only pot" --and it is really a shame.  Would she tolerate someone who drank alot of alcohol?  I'd be thinking of safety and responsibility.  What about getting into a car with him when he's high?  Plus, does he call her when he's high?  Is he blowing money on his pot that he needs for other things-- or for dates/fun stuff/flowers for her?  She deserves better.  Help her be choosy.  She is so young and doesn't need the potential problems this kid can bring her way.  Encourage her to be very selective in who she allows into her life because she is worth it!  It is a reality of life that our friends rub off on us, influence us and have the power to break out heart.  I'd also pray about it.  Good luck!

By: momsterx3 5 months ago

 Sorry lipgloss I don't agree.  I live in CA as well and while there are plenty of people that accept pot smoking as okay, I'm not one of them.  Although we don't smoke cigarettes either and wouldn't allow our children to smoke anywhere near our home.  I'm not a "strict" mom according to my children, but they were raised with the thought that smoking of any kind is disgusting.  My son, who's 14 will actually walk in a wide circle around anyone smoking while coughing for affect.  I think there are plenty of ways for kids to get into trouble and by us not telling them outright what we feel is unacceptable they don't know.  Kids appreciate knowing there are boundaries.  We've told all of our children that at any time they might be asked to do a drug test.  That way if they are ever in a spot with friends pressuring them they can use that as an out.  We haven't done one yet as our oldest is only 14 and is so busy with sports he'd never have time.  But they know it could happen any time and it gives them that safety net.  I also think that by your daughter telling you that her bf is smoking she is looking for you to help her.  You won't be there to guide her daily life too much longer.  Help her through this one by telling her you don't approve and asking her why she would settle for someone that doesn't have the drive she should be looking for in a man.

By: Packagedealx3 5 months ago

chjmko makes some good points.  I would continue telling her that she shouldn't do it and why and keep asking questions that cause her to think about whether she should have higher standards for the boyfriend.  My kids have used me for an excuse before when they didn't want to go somewhere, they'll be doing charades saying tell me no.  So the suggestion about the potential for drug testing as a tool for her to avoid people bugging her is also something that might work with your kid if you think she could change her mind or has tried it and might again.

Realistically unless you lock them up you cannot stop them from smoking pot, it is cheap and too readily accessible.  Your daughter is talking to you and that gives you an opportunity for her to continue to talk to you and can promote a discussion about the boyfriend.  Years ago I dated a guy who was 13 years older, CEO of the family business, but he was an alcoholic.  That was evident pretty quickly and when my mother asked why I was avoiding his calls I told her the truth, that I didn't want to sit around waiting for him to kill himself.  If you can manage to keep her thinking without sounding judgmental, if his pot use starts to concern her she is more likely to talk to you about and then you have a good chance of influencing her to stop seeing him.

If she generally hangs around with good kids otherwise, the opportunity to change her mind is slimmer than if she is hanging with a bunch of kids that are smoking. 

By: lipgloss30 5 months ago

Thanks for all the input.  I have told her over and over that I don't want her doing drugs, her aunt and her own father (who is not around) got involved with drugs and I keep telling her that she does not want to go down that road.  As for the boyfriend, you are all right.  In the past few weeks i've noticed that he is not motivated to do ANYTHING and does not  help my daughter when he should.  I will be talking to her when her girlfriend leaves back to Connecticut.  Thanks moms!

By: mrsncook 5 months ago

As one who used to smoke, that stuff has killed more brain cells than I care to know about.  1. It's illegal.  2.  It's bad for you.  If a grown adult wants to smoke it in the privacy of their own home, they are grown adults and can make that decision.  If I found out my child was dating someone who was smoking pot, I would NOT be happy.