Raising Boys   844 members

By: Rucook 5 months ago

Sex itself is not "bad" and boys will be boys.  However, the "appropriate" magazines give wrong moral views (in my opinion) and often give men a distorted view of sex.  My ex-husband had porn addiction and when the computer came along it got worse.  My body apperance and "sex life" was compared to what he read or saw.  That was one of the main things that led to our seperation and divorce.   

I have a teenage son, 15,  with my second husband (a wonderful Godly man!!).  We have one computer, by using Administrative settings, our son has his own account on the computer. We use Online Family by Norton  https://onlinefamily.norton.com/familysafety/loginStart.fs and have time limits and appropriate webpapge limits for him.  If he tries to view a site that is not on the "approved" list, it will not allow him to view it and sends me an e-mail that he has tried to view a "non-approved" site.  They have different categories that you can check off.  So far so good, he had not tired to view anything inappropriate at our house. 

We have an open relationship with our son where he feels comfortable asking questions and getting real answers.  Even with the World today bombarding him with mixed messages, we feel that we have been able to talk to him about what is right and what is wrong.  In our opinion, sex before marriage can create so many issues - self-esteem, stress, etc. that he does not need  that added to his already "stressful" life of school and activities.

Honestly, I would think twice about getting him a magazine.  I know what seemed like innocent peeking at magazines at first for my "ex"  turned into a serious sex addiction later in life. 

By: JustCallMeCrazy 5 months ago

I think you need a good monitoring program for your computer. My son is sneaky too and very computer-savvy at getting around blocks but I found help at software4parents.com

By: JJ5 5 months ago

Perhaps the best way to deal with this is head on.  If possible, have his father or another male adult speak to him frankly about porn and about how it objectifies women, and get him thinking about what kind of man her wants to be as an adult.  If there isn't a man available, you might just need to sit down and talk about this with him yourself.

Here is a great article about this very idea...

http://www.parentdish.com/2010/03/01/hey-dad-thanks-for-the-blow-up-doll/

By: LyndieShea 5 months ago

While my husband and I didn't give our son magazines, we did pull out one of our erotica books which has pictures of "real" people in loving sexual positions. If  he's defying you already, he's going to continue to do so; and overreacting about it and going to the ends of the Earth to try to stop him will only push him to defy you even more. Be open and honest. Be supportive and maybe he will come to you for guidance instead of his friends (like our son does)...for me growing up, my parents acted like several of the mothers above and never talked with me about sex; they just shunned the topic and all sexually explicit mags and videos were forbidden, so I was left to figure out my feelings all on my own...what's so wrong with knowing the truth?? Why are we hiding one of the most beautiful things on the planet?? EDUCATE and provide proper guidance!!

By: hazardess68 5 months ago

Thanks all, We have talked to him about porn in the past and do
have some parental controls on the computer. I know he feels guilty
and embarrassed from looking and of course getting caught. But I don't
want that guilt to turn into a wrong impression about sex. It's not
bad or evil and it's definitely natural to be curious.

My mother never ever talked to me either, LyndieShea.  So I was left to figure stuff out on my own...which was NOT the "healthy" way. 

(sorry about the formatting...my computer freaked out on me)

Thanks again, Moms!  This is a great site.